First off, I want start by saying how blessed I am! I am alive! I am working through this process! I am a survivor! I am a daughter, sister, mom, grandma, and friend! I am strong! I am a warrior! I am an educator! I am doing okay!
But I am also many other things…I am sad. I am grieving. I am worried. I am concerned. I am angry. I am in my head too much. I am human.
Here’s some truth for you…I miss my boob! I miss feeling whole! I miss the feeling of being sexy or desired. Yes, I guess I have bought into the societal BS that surrounds body image and it sucks! I want to be stronger for myself and others going through this process…but truth be told, I am struggling. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror…I know that it’s still fresh and raw and that it will take some time…it will come!
…I know that I am strong and that I will work through this. I know that losing my boob has saved my life. I just need to allow myself the time to heal, to be angry, to be sad, to be strong, to grieve at my own pace and time, to adjust to the newer version of me!! I need to stand tall in front of that mirror and truly assess myself…What do I want from life? What are my values? What are my strengths? What will this lesson teach me? What will I allow myself to learn? I’ve been given another chance at life…What will I do with it?
I am not looking for sympathy, just understanding. I do not want pity, just compassion. I do not have all of the answers, but will work hard to find those answers if it will help myself and others…those with cancer, survivors, and/or their family and friends.
I want to enlighten and educate others as I, too, am learning. I want to help others with a new diagnosis and survivors know they are not alone during this journey. I want to be raw and truthful because cancer and dealing with it is raw and scary.
I value all of the people in my life! My family and friends have offered so much support, understanding, prayers, love, continued encouragement, education through stories of their own journey with this disease, and I have to mention love again. The outpouring from each of you has been empowering and I am/will be forever grateful. There truly are no words to describe how all of you have made me feel.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! I would also love to hear your story.