I woke up several hours ago because of bad dreams. Dreams of people walking out of my life because they could not deal with my journey with cancer. I finally got out of bed; after what seems like hours of tossing and turning and trying to shut down the visuals in my head. As I came out into the living room, I feel an instant calm come over me. The very first shreds of daylight are starting to lighten the surrounding hills which are covered with fresh fallen snow. It is so quiet and peaceful. I am mesmerized as I watch the beautiful snowflakes fall from the sky. This is reminding me of when I was a child and the numerous walks that I took with my Dad. He would always tell me that the snowflakes were diamonds coming from the sky and each one was unique and special just like each of us. I felt the tears fall from my eyes as this thought of my Dad as this message from my childhood enveloped me with a tranquil peace.
I just read this on FB…”NOTHING in the world can trouble you as much as your own thoughts.” This statement is absolutely true! I need to be doing something to get out of my own head! I know that I have joined the ranks of some amazing warriors and survivors but this does not make me any less scared and at times even terrified of what my future will bring.
Cancer can NEVER come at a good time in anyone’s life. I find myself wondering if I am still going to be able to stay on track to graduate with my Master’s degree in June!?!? This is my ultimate goal that I have worked so darn hard to achieve against all odds up to this point. The struggle has been real this semester with Mom’s serious health issues, juggling two jobs…only one now, trying to move to be closer to Mom, and now being diagnosed with breast cancer. I believe that I have the determination to achieve my goal of getting my degree but I now have to worry about whether or not my body will cooperate. Yes, I am very worried.
Are there any other survivors out there that can offer up some advise? I am open to hearing your words of wisdom!